Camp nonsense?

It's easy to dismiss the new Pet Shop Boys album "Super" as camp disco nonsense. So let's do that.

The first single "The Pop Kids" has cringe worthy lyrics set to a backing track that is cheesier than a mouse's packed lunch. It's awful; but somehow it gets under your skin. "Happiness" is a cross between Dolly Parton and Front 242 and is as bad as this description sounds. Then suddenly you find yourself tapping your foot and slapping your thigh. Yeeeehaaww.

"Groovy" and "Pazzo" are repetitive, superficial disco poundings that leave little impression. Until you find yourself absent mindedly humming them in the car.

The rest of the album is less pleasing. "Undertow" isn't nearly as good as some people would have you believe and "The Dictator Decides" is just boring. "Say it to me" would have been the perfect single in 1995; but it's 2016. "Burn" features the time-worn lyrical sentiment: "We're gonna burn this disco down before the morning comes". Yaaawn.

If you've heard "Happiness" and "The Pop Kids" you've probably heard the worst of the album and are safe to stray into the rest of it. If you are completely uninitiated to the sound of "Super" then be warned: this camp disco cheese is not for the faint hearted.

So whilst I don't like the album, there is no denying some of the tracks will begin to endear themselves. I guess my gripe is that there's just no beauty. It's all make up, 'suck it in' knickers and high heels. Peel back the layers and there is nothing there.

P.S. Beware of the vinyl pressings. They are supposed to be white vinyl but a large number seems to have black smears across them and even more annoyingly the audio distorts.

Jeff hits gold

A few years ago I lamented over the latest ELO/Jeff Lynne product "Mr Blue Sky" - this CD was a substandard set of re-recordings of ELO's greatest hits. What I really wanted was a new album and 3 years later I have what I wanted in the form of "Alone in the Universe".

First question raised by the appearance of this album is, given that Lynne resorted to the dreaded "covers album" for his last solo outing, can he still write a tune? The answer is yes. No, in fact it's "hell yes, this man can still write a tune". There is no new "Mr Blue Sky" or "Can't Get It Out of My Head" (my favourite ELO track) but the songs make it clear that Jeff knows what he's doing.

Next question is what sound has he gone for? Well it varies between the classic 70's ELO sounds of "When I Was  Boy", the distinctive rock of "Love and Rain", the disco of "One Step at a Time" and the Wilbury's sound of "Dirty to the Bone" - safe ground essentially. And it feels like home.

The whole thing is recorded by Jeff in his home and it is a stunning job. However some of the synth work, despite being very well programmed, does leave you longing for a real strings section (can't believe I just typed that). But this is only a minor criticism. Essentially Jeff has produced a record that will make his millions of fans very happy. Very happy indeed.

Post Script: for the first time ELO will be playing my home city on the upcoming tour associated with 'Alone in the Universe" - however, I won't be going. The 'cheap' seats are £88 rising to £121 if you want a decent central location.

Jarre Electronica Part 1

With the advent of "Electronica1: The Time Machine", Jean Michel Jarre has finally returned to releasing new material. Effectively Jarre has been in the creative wilderness since 1997, so it's unsurprising he has chosen to create an album of collaborations.

Jarre states he has chosen artists that have influenced him and who have helped shape the face of electronic music. On examining the list of collaborators my first thought was "Vangelis turned him down", closely followed by "I bet he didn't even bother asking Kraftwerk". It's possible that Fuck Buttons are only there as Richard James was busy washing his hair and Lang Lang only got a look in as the record company thought it would look good for the far eastern market. I have never heard of M83 or Gesaffelstein and how a dinosaur like Pete Townshend ends up on a Jarre record is beyond my powers of explanation. Otherwise, great choices for collaborations!

Only a handful of the tracks actually succeed in conveying the styles of the contributing parties and remain entertaining. "A Question of Blood" sounds like classic Carpenter and you can spot the aural DNA of Vince Clarke all over "Automatic". "Zero Gravity" is exactly what you would expect of a Jarre / Tangerine Dream collaboration and "Stardust" with Armin van Buuren is an undoubted success. For me the standout track has to be "If...!" with Little Boots; a truly sublime slice of pop electronica.

Less successful tracks are those recorded with people whose links with electronic music are more tenuous (or dare I even say none existent).  "Train and the River", a collaboration with the pianist Lang Lang is dull beyond belief. I can't even begin to describe how bad Pete Townshend's vocals are on the track "Travelator Part 2". Everything else on the album is just middling.

Electronica is being released in a variety of formats. I opted for the "Fan Box" which is effectively a box with the CD/Vinyl and some MP3 codes. The Limited edition £180 (total price £215 by the time part 2 is released next year) deluxe box set is limited to 1000 signed copies and has still not sold out - an indication that even die hard Jarre fans don't think that Electronica has quite hit the mark.

Let's talk about vinyl storage

The worst part about being a vinyl fanatic is finding somewhere to store the stuff. Vinyl record collections increase in size in an insidious but determined manner which is quite beyond the control of the owner. Having spent quite some time ruminating over what to do with my expanding collection, I have finally made some firm decisions.

The majority of my collection doesn’t get played; this is for a number of reasons. Generally I don’t play 7” singles on my turntable as it takes longer to turn on the amp and queue up the record than it takes to listen to it. I don’t own many 12” singles, but those that I do own are generally full of crap remixes and listening to them reminds me how much money I wasted in HMV stores in the 1990’s. I don’t play my Pet Shop Boys collection (yes one of those ‘collectors’) and so it seemed sensible to place all these records into storage. Having made this momentous decision I just had to find a way of keeping them safe. As it turned out the solution was waiting at the next record shop I visited as all of the stock was stored in nifty plastic boxes.

I already owned a few products made by The Really Useful Box Company but I had no idea they made products specifically for vinyl. There are various boxes that once they have the standard lid replaced with an XL lid, can accommodate vinyl (the XL lid bit is important). I bought a couple of 9L XL boxes for my 7" singles and seven 19L XL for LP and 12" singles. You can get much larger boxes but by the time you get 50 LPs in a box it is pretty heavy - the idea of lifting a box full of 95 or 140 LPs sounded like a hernia waiting to happen.

Once these records were safely stowed away my attention moved to the LPs I wished to play regularly. Really Useful Box Company boxes are great for long term storage but not too aesthetically pleasing when placed in the living room. 

Thus I had to turn to the ubiquitous Ikea Kallax range for a more suitable storage solution. Kallax and its predecessors have long been the audiophiles best friend. An 8 shelf unit seemed to have enough storage space for my vinyl and the turntable/amp. I aspire to a 16 shelf unit full of vinyl, or rather I aspire to a house big enough to accommodate a 16 shelf unit. Maybe if  I stop buying as much vinyl I will be able to afford a bigger house.

Bjork Coloured Vinyl

Amongst my new years resolutions was the promise not to buy any new music by Bjork. I haven't enjoyed one of her albums since "Homogenic" from 1997 so buying more seemed like a waste of money.

The all important sticker

However, I have never ruled out buying her old music again. So when I noticed amazon listing reissues of her albums on vinyl I was intrigued. Add the lure of the first 5000 (yes this is hardly limited quantities, but what the hell) copies being pressed on coloured vinyl and I found myself pre-ordering "Debut" "Post" and "Homogenic" without hesitation. They are only 140g and not the 180g that vinyl enthusiasts seem to crave, but how can you resist coloured vinyl?

Now, I am aware that every vinyl pressing plant in Europe is working at full throttle with an overflowing order book; so when the release dates for these albums slipped a couple of times I wasn't unduly surprised. However, when the first disc turned up I was unduly surprised: the vinyl was black. I immediately began scouring the Internet to find out what was going on. The coloured vinyl seemed freely available, just not from amazon it would seem. I cancelled the remainder of my order and went looking elsewhere.

My first order was placed with a website called Boomkat who were showing all coloured vinyls as available for 'pre-order'. A week or so later a copy of "Homogenic" arrived carrying the telltale sticker in the top left corner denoting it was a limited coloured vinyl edition. Brilliant. Around a week later Boomkat emailed me to say their distributor had 'let them down' and they weren't able to offer the remaining albums. "Sorry about that. We've cancelled your order". Not so brilliant.

Nice discs, but why green?

Next on the hit list was "Post". A quick look through Discogs brought up lots of sellers with sealed copies at reasonable prices so I ordered one. Two days later I owned the coloured version of "Post" too. "Debut" was a tougher and much more elusive opponent if I wasn't willing to spend over £30. I would have to bide my time.

A few weeks later I found myself in an HMV store and whilst I was idly flicking through the vinyl I noticed a Bjork section. It contained a copy of her latest album "Vulnicura" (strictly off limits) along with a coloured vinyl of "Debut" for the startlingly good sum of £15.99. So my mission to own 3 coloured vinyls was complete, all it took was one month, a bit of poking around on the Internet and some good luck. No thanks to amazon on this occasion.

The discs themselves are rather nice, but I can't help but feel "Homogenic" should have been a burgundy coloured disc to match the rear of the artwork, I just don't see where the green came from. Each disc has a card with a download code for 320kps MP3 files but I haven't manged to get any of them to work first time. For "Post" I had to input the code at least 10 times before the website would let me download.

I can't really work out what amazon are doing when it comes to these releases. Why I ended up with a black vinyl remains a mystery (on the plus side it is a 180g edition rather than the 140g of the coloured version). Amazon really need to change their listing to reflect the fact that they haven't got any of the coloured versions. They still list theses albums as "Limited Edition" and state associated colour of the vinyl, but in my experience they just dispatch the black vinyl.

Oldfield vinyl

Last July Warner Music announced it was set to release some new 180g vinyl editions of 4 of Mike Oldfield's albums. I pre-ordered them, bought a new stylus and waited patiently. 9 months later they have finally arrived.

Better late than never? Mike Oldfield 180g vinyl

Despite there being absolutely no mention of why their release was delayed, I have keenly anticipated these discs. "Voyager" and "Tubular Bells III" have never been released on vinyl and the other two command high second hand prices due to their rarity.

Personally I also prayed these new editions wouldn't be as bad as the recent 180g pressing of Oldfield's Virgin era albums such as "Crises". These discs were not cut well and certainly weren't pressed to the highest standard. These Warner era albums were keenly anticipated. So what is the verdict?

Well, my favourite Oldfield album has always been "Songs of Distant Earth" and so I placed this on the platter first. Disappointingly none of the discs have a picture inner, just a plain black polythene lined jacket. But this shouldn't detract from the music

The sound is rich and clean but there is some annoying surface noise at the start of each side. Next was "Tubular Bells 2" which has some annoying noise throughout and doesn't seem to quite hit the mark in the same way.

I still hate Record Store Day.....

So I still hate Record Store Day. More than ever in fact.

This year I changed tactic slightly. Rather than pretend I wasn't interested and just turn up in the afternoon, I decided to go and look in the morning. However, I vowed I was not going to queue.

There are two independent stores in my local city centre: at 9.30 one store had a queue about 400 yards long and the second shop was so deserted I assumed they weren't participating in the eBay enhancing festival of greed. Just to be sure I asked in the second store if they had any record store day releases available.

"Ask me for what you want and I'll tell you," said the weary guy behind the counter. Only then did I notice the sure signs of a Record Store day battle: barrier ropes being stowed away, leaflets strune on the floor and notices about queue jumping and the maximum number of purchases (in bold font).

"Errr do you have Erasure 'Violet Flame Remixes?'" I enquired as casually as possible.
"Ohhhhh no. That sold out." Damn, "Any others?"
"Hmmmmm Blancmange or Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark?" I said out of hope rather than any expectation.
"Yeah got one left of each of those."
"Brilliant, I'll take them both please. How much is that?" I asked tentatively, not quite able to believe my luck.
"Errrr that will will be £31 please"
"Sorry, I thought you said £31. I only wanted the one 12" singe and the 10" single."
"Yeah mate. £31"

At this point I shouted, "Are you f**king kidding me?" I also grabbed the nearest passing record company executive (or Record Store Day representative) and screamed in their face: "Do you think I'm made of money you miserable bastard? What kind of gig is this? You thieving asshole! Talk about taking advantage! Do I have to pull my pants down and bend over too? I hate you and this whole sham of a day." I probably headbutted them too. Hard.

Either that or I just handed over my bank card and thanked them for my public mugging. I forget which.

Either way I ended up with 2 of the 3 releases Record Store Day 'made me' want. Not bad to say I never queued for even 1 minute. The 3rd? Well, I forked out double the original price for a copy from one of the army eBay scalpers.

So f**k you Record Store Day. Just call it the "National queueing for records championship" in future. Because really, really that's all it is.

POSTSCRIPT: Ironically all of the releases I mentioned above have since been made available on the artists websites. So I need not have even bothered visiting my local independent retailers after all.