Snap, Crackle, Pop

I'm sure I've said it before, but it's worth repeating that all vinyl is not created equal. I used to assume that the 12" singles I bought in the 80's and 90's sounded poor because my turntable was rubbish and I didn't look after my vinyl very well. Well it turns out that is only partly true.

One particular 'slab of wax' that frustrated me was the remix 12" of "Inside Out" by Electribe 101. My copy crackled and popped as if it had been covered with iron filings and scratched with a nail. Right from brand new this vinyl just wouldn't play properly. It was a real shame as the MCM Remix was one of the best remixes of any Electribe 101 track and, in truth, was probably one of the best things the band ever released. Yet all I had was a rubbish 12" that was barely listenable.

Fast forward 20 years and I buy another copy from Discogs in an attempt to do justice to the music. When the single turned up I lay it reverentially on the platter, dropped the needle and lo and behold, exactly the same 'scratches' all over the first track. Whoever mastered this 12" obviously never listened back to it and I can only assume neither did the band.

Having recorded the vinyl into my PC I attempted to repair the audio and make a good master of the MCM Mix. Once done I might finally get to hear it in something approaching its full glory. Yet the audio was so mashed, I gave up editing despite having put quite a few hours into the attempt. Over the years I keep loading up the Audacity file and tinker around removing huge sratches and  'repairing' sections of audio. But the task remains so mammoth I am losing faith that I will ever hear the MCM mix without the offending clicks.

Watch out

I have liked Nine Inch Nails ever since I heard "Sin" in a record shop sometime in 1991. I've bought everything Trent et al have released and been to see them in concert. Whilst I love NIN, I am less enamoured with side projects such as How To Destroy Angels or their soundtrack work. As a consequence, when I heard that Trent and Atticus were recording the score for an HBO series of Watchmen my primary response was: "Meh".

Then one night, the Youtube algorithms did their thing and recommended I listen to the new Watchmen soundtrack. Five seconds after clinking play I was scouring the Internet looking for a place to order the vinyl and apologising to Trent for ever doubting him under my breath.

Once the TV series started, I watched it to hear more of the music. Before I knew it I was actually enjoying a geeky series about superheroes. That's quite an achievement as I hate superhero stuff usually.

Anyway, fast forward to the day the vinyl arrives. I ignore all of the weird 'in universe' artwork and nonsense and pull out the slab of wax. The first thing that I notice are a few hairline scratches on this new vinyl. "Maybe it was a trick of the light," I say to myself. Then I queue up the record and drop the needle. OK a couple of pops, I can handle that, static and dust from a new LP is not uncommon. But the clicks and pops keep coming. I begin to ponder if it's noise added intentionally. I stop the turntable to have another look at the record more closely.

WTF?.....

This brand new vinyl, straight out of the cellophane, looks like a dogs dinner. I try the other side and it's just as bad. I soon deduced that there is nothing wrong with the mastering or the lacquer used for the pressing; it just looks like it has been handled badly during the manufacturing process. It is covered in scratches.

I decided to go online to find out what is happening. Having ignored the troll telling me I need a better turntable and speakers as there is nothing wrong with his copy (guess my amp must be OK - even though the cretin has no idea of what I'm using) I realise I am not alone in receiving a crappy vinyl; some people even have fingerprints accompanying their scratches. Luckily the NIN fulfilment guys are exchanging my copy. Let's hope its second time lucky for Sons of Pale Horse. So if you're listening to your copy of the Watchemn soundtrack thinking, "When did my turntable turn into a Crosley suitcase?" I can assure you that you are not alone.

Me, double sleeves and Domino Dancing: a troubled relationship

I am a collector of Pet Shop Boys records. I am not in the 'A league' of people who spend thousands on one item (most I have ever spent was £600 on the Electricity box set), but I have found some rarities over the years. At the last count I owned around 700 items across a variety of formats with a focus on UK releases and the more unique or interesting imports. However, one single release seems harder for me to find than most. Step forward "Domino Dancing" and its 'double sleeve' variants.

Back in the 80's, record companies and artists tried various marketing techniques to boost the chart position of their records. Between 1987 and 1989 Pet Shop Boys and their label Parlophone elected to issue their 7" and 12" singles with a variety of sleeves: exactly the same record, just a different cover. Lets not be coy, this was a cynical attempt to lure people into buying the same record twice.

For a period, these sleeves took the form of double and single types - the standard "R" catalogue number denoted the single sleeve version and the "RS" catalogue number was used to identify the double sleeve.

I never seemed to have much trouble acquiring the "RS" versions of singles such as "Left To My Own Devices" (in fact I never saw the single sleeve 12" on sale in 1988), "It's a Sin" or "Always On My Mind", but the "Domino Dancing" double sleeves continue to give me trouble to this very day.

It all started in around 2003 when I took the plunge and joined eBay. I began stepping up my attempts to fill holes in my Pet Shop Boys collection and soon won a copy of the "RS" version of the "Domino Dancing" 12". How pleased I was! Until I missed the delivery and the parcel was returned to the mail centre. A few days later I rolled up at said mail centre to be told the parcel was 'lost': "The postman remembers bringing it into the office but we can't find it." It wasn't just the fact that they had lost my parcel that caused me to become annoyed, it was the total indifference of the Royal Mail staff that really got to me. They couldn't give a toss about me or my stupid parcel. F**k you Royal Mail.

Undeterred I tried to buy another "RS" 12" over the proceeding months and finally won a copy that the Royal Mail managed not to damage or lose. The trouble with this copy was the fabled 'double sleeve' had a variety of non-peelable stickers firmly attached to it. At some point someone had clearly attempted to remove the stickers causing irreparable damage. I proceeded pulled off some more of the stickers and did even more damage. Great. It was only many years later (at the third time of asking) that I managed to acquire a very good condition "RS" 12".

I was happy with my collection until one day, whilst idly flicking through my 7" singles, I realised the "RS" version of "Domino Dancing" was missing. I say 'missing', but in truth I'm not sure I ever owned one. I can't keep track of every single item and I seem to have just assumed I owned it. In an attempt to rectify this situation I immediately logged onto Discogs and ordered a copy. I sat back and waited for my shiny "RS" sleeved beauty to arrive.

Then I got a message from the seller: "Errr I advertised it but I can't find it. Sorry." and he promptly cancelled the order. I have never had this happen on Discogs before or since and was left totally bemused. What is it with me and disappearing "Domino Dancing" records??!! Am I cursed? Am I destined to NEVER complete my "RS" collection? These records aren't expensive, they're not even that rare, but I seem to have a particular problem getting my hands on them. So I am still looking for my one last "RS" sleeve - but the fun is in the chase.

2023 UPDATE - I actually managed to track down a copy of the RS 7" in 2020 and consider my collection complete. However, I have noticed that there are now two different pressings of this single...

Let's get physical

For those of us who treasure physical media, it is the best of times and the worst of times. I have noticed a number of recent releases that, rather disgracefully, have had no physical release at all (Booka Shade I'm looking at you). Whilst on the other hand there are hundreds of lavish vinyl releases (and a good many re-releases) that, whilst sold at a premium, continue to fly the flag for physical media.

The only area of music retail that I can see dying is the compact disc. Nobody is buying them and people seem to be disposing of their CDs en masse without a second thought. I can go online or walk in a charity shop and replace hundreds of my 'lost' CDs from the 1990s for next to nothing. This is great for filling holes in your collection, but no help for new releases.

I had cause to reflect on this situation the other day when a CD I bought still had a price ticket on. This vintage £1.99 price tag was from the chain Our Price circa 1998.

In the 1990s a trip into the city was essentially a tour of the record shops for me. First visit the two HMV stores, up the road to Our Price and quick look through a couple of independent shops before the longer walk to the fantastic labyrinth that was the Virgin Records store. I can't deny that seeing the Our Price logo made me nostalgic for those days.

By chance I was walking through the city the day after I received the CD in question and decided to walk to the last bastion physical music sales: HMV. And guess what? It was closed. I don't mean I visited outside of opening hours, I mean it was shut for business. Gone. And just like that my youth evaporated.

But I don't buy many NEW CDs anymore. I tend to buy vinyl and use the download code. When I do buy CDs I order them online as it is cheaper and more convenient that going to HMV. The days of me walking into a record store and emerging with £100 of CDs have long since gone.

So, yes, I helped kill HMV. I helped kill the CD. They have disappeared like grains of sand through my fingers and they took my youth with them.

Cheapo Hi-FI: mission accomplished?

A few months ago I set myself a challenge of building a separates Hi-Fi on a budget. I think I spent about £150 in total and ended up with an OK little set up. However, whilst some components were bought for very little money, the turntable swallowed up three quarters of the budget. In the midst of the current vinyl resurgence, a bargain turntable is a very hard thing to come by. However, a few weeks ago I happened across one such bargain.

 
A new charity shop (or 'thirft store' as our American cousins say) opened not far away and I went for a look. Hiding amongst the toasters and old Sky TV boxes was a very dusty mini turntable. It had no stylus and looked a bit unloved. There were still signs of life as when I plugged it in and moved the tone arm, the platter span. The price? £5. I put it back on the shelf just as my wife walked past and said, "That's worth the gamble for £5". So the turntable came with me.

On closer inspection is turns out I had bought a Sony PS-J20 mini turntable. Miraculously the lid was scratch and crack free and the unit cleaned up quite nicely. As I expected, the platter was spinning WAY off correct speeds. But with an RPM calculator app on my phone and a few tweaks on the (rather temperamental) potentiometers, it was soon running at 33.3 and 45 rpm quite nicely.

The instructions I downloaded suggested this little beast was circa 2000 and was missing a few accessories such as a mat for the platter and an EP adapter. Once I located the correct stylus and ordered the accessories, the turntable was beginning to look pretty good. All of the automation of the tone arm and buttons worked as expected. All good so far.

Before I committed any of my precious vinyl to this turntable I looked at the tracking force to check the stylus wasn't going to try to gouge its way through the record. Happily the scales said 2.5g. Rather respectable I thought.

How does it sound? Well it's OK. It's not the greatest, but it does a job. There's a lot of distortion on "S"sounds on some records and the tone is quite thin (compared to the admittedly bass heavy SL-1200). But the automation is handy when you just want to leave a record spinning in the background and its compact size means it fits anywhere.

Yes, I spent more in restoring it than the purchase cost, but it was worth it. With a bit of effort and good luck you can have a reasonable standard turntable for £20. Despite its shortcomings this has to be better than any ION or Crossley type disaster on sale today.

Split agenda

"Agenda" is the new Pet Shop Boys EP and it seems to have created something of a 'Marmite divide' in Pet Shop Boys fans. For my part, I have stalled on issuing my verdict as I have been so perplexed by the whole thing.

The 4 tracks were issued across 4 days via YouTube as 'lyric videos'. The first time I heard the initial offering "Give Stupidity a Chance" I was bitterly disappointed. To my ears, this track was just "Winner" rejigged into a faintly satirical jibe at Donald Trump. I hated it.

The second track to be released was "On Social Media" and this represented a slight improvement. I enjoyed the more electronic and dance orientated sound here. Whilst some of the lyrics were quite clever, the track still only felt like b-side filler grade when compared to the heights we know the boys are capable of.

By the third day I wasn't holding out much hope. Even the title "What Are We Going To Do About The Rich?" made me roll my eyes. A whole EP full of barbed, satirical, left leaning lyrics from a pair of multi millionaires wasn't really doing it for me. Yes, Neil and Chris have back catalogue littered with political commentary and witty observations; but a whole EP full of it was not for me. Happily the music on this track wasn't a complete loss and there were some fine moments of aural stimulation.

Most listeners seem to regard the final track "The Forgotten Child" as the standout cut here, but I was a little bored by it. Thankfully this song isn't a social polemic, but by the time I had waded through the preceding material I had little time for it. A victim of being tarred with the same brush.

Then I began to read with astonishment that some people were actually enjoying this crap. The aural disintegration of my favourite band was happening right before my ears and all I could see were like minded people dancing round the funeral pyre. What was going on?

The answer came when I ditched YouTube and downloaded the digital files. Suddenly, I found these songs transformed from grubby little caterpillars into beautiful butterflies (or at least exotic moths). Ditching the f***ing awful visuals and giving the music my full attention had a transformative effect.

So for any Pet Shop Boys fan struggling to come to terms with "Agenda" try LISTENING to it. Give it your full attention and then make your judgement. Don't base your opinion on some crappy 192kbps stream that is accompanied by terrible visuals that keep shoving the lyrics in your face. Consume this music as you did when you made your judgements about "Please", "Introspective" or whatever releases you love by the boys. I'm sure that if we were all to give these tracks a level playing field they will stand up.